This one time, when I was 15, my parents and I took a trip to Mexico to visit family. On our way back, my mom realized that she had forgotten her green card at home. When we got to immigration, my mom explained her situation to the boarder control man. The man told her that it wouldn't be a problem...if she had a green card, then she would be in the computer. There was just one little problem: my mom couldn't remember what name appeared on her green card. You see, my mom is one of those typical Mexican ladies with like 800 names. She has varied her name throughout her life, making it shorter and shorter, dropping certain names, or adding certain ones, until today, where she only has a first name and a last name. And acutally, her official U.S. first name, as listed on her U.S. Naturalization papers is actually her middle name. (She always hated her real first name.) But I digress. She couldn't remember if she had already dropped her first name when she receieved her green card over 15 years prior to that day. Nor could she remember if she used her married name when she received her green card. INS only gave her one chance at "guessing" her name. And she didn't guess correctly. So we had no choice but to leave my mom behind in Mexico. My dad and I travelled back to the U.S. without her and had to wait 3 weeks until my dad could get more vacation time for us to travel back to Mexico and pick her up. We weren't about to mail her green card to her...the mail system in Mexico is not to be trusted. Who knows what kind of thug would have ended up with her green card and all of her information. We had to bring it to her in person.

I remember during this time, during these 3 weeks, missing my mom immensely. But I was a kid back then. I was used to seeing my mom everyday...talking to her, laughing with her, crying on her shoulder...and during this time she was gone. She wasn't there for me. Not by her choice, of course, but gone nevertheless.

It has now been 10 years since I've lived with my mom. I went to a college that was about an hour and a half away from her and after I graduated and got married, I moved to an entirely different state than where she lives. So I've gotten used to being away from her. Of course I still miss her, but not like I did during those 3 weeks that she was trapped in Mexico.

That is, until she went back to Mexico 3 weeks ago to visit her mom. Ever since the day she left, I feel like I did during those 3 weeks when I was 15. I miss her immensely. I don't know what it is, or why I miss her more than I normally do. Maybe it's because I can't call her while she's there. (My grandma doesn't have a phone.) But it's just weird. It's not like I get to see her, even when she is in the U.S. But now that she's in another country, I miss her enough to make me cry. I miss her hugs, I miss her laugh, I miss her cooking, I miss her love.

She'll be back at home with my dad tomorrow. Even though she'll still be in another state, I'll be relieved to have her back. And I'm reminded that you're never too old to want a big hug from your mom. Because a hug from my mom (or my dad, for that matter) always made everything better.

Labels: I'm all growed up now., Parental Units, Viva Mexico

Has anyone ever seen the movie called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" I swear that movie was a documentary of my life and family. They just replaced the Mexicans with Greeks, the tequila with ouzo, and the phrase, "Viva Mexico!" with the word, "Opa!" All to protect the innocent. But most importantly, they replaced my dad's use of caulk with the movie dad's use of windex.

Let me explain: In the movie, the main character's dad uses Windex as a fix all and cure all for any malady. Not only is it great for cleaning windows, but it also gets rid of warts/pimples, and helps with sprained elbows. Well instead of using windex, my dad uses caulk. As in the stuff used to seal window edges, bathtubs, and kitchen sinks. He walks around all day, caulk gun in hand, looking for things to caulk. It started out, innocently enough, during a small bathroom renovation project and has now snowballed into an avalanche of caulk mayhem. He caulked the thermostat to the wall. He caulked my mom's broken vase back together. He even caulked his car back together. Let me repeat that. He caulked his car back together, people. Some of the plastic seal that surrounds the outer edge of the driver's side window was falling off, so he caulked it back into place.

"Daddy, I think it's just time for you to buy a new car."

"No, mija. This car is still pretty new."

"You bought it in 1989, Daddy. It's time to put it out to pasture."

"You want me to drive you where? Hold on, mija, let me put the caulk away."

I told my dad about the windex subplot of the movie and how it compared to him. He laughed, agreed that it was funny, but did not think that he was anything like the movie dad.

Until today.

I called my dad, just to check in and see how he was doing without my mom around (my mom took a small trip to Mexico to visit family.) He said he was fine but he had noticed a small little rash on his forearm today. He had remembered how I told him that listerine gets rid of warts and pimples, so he decided to put it on his rash to see if it helped.

"You did what???"

"I put listerine on the rash. Maybe it will go away now."

"Why did you do that?"

"You told me that listerine got rid of warts and pimples. So I thought maybe it would get rid of this rash too."

"Daddy, the part about getting rid of warts and pimples was made up. It was from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." It's not really true. Not only that, but you used the wrong thing. It was windex that they used. Not listerine!"

"Oh. Well at least the itching stopped. Opa!!"

I love my dad.

Labels: Parental Units, Viva Mexico

Is it really? Because if you were to write something bad about me, I would just pull out the knife that I use to hold my hair up and cut you. That's right, I WOULD CUT YOU! Then what would you do? Run home and write about it? Oooooh...how intimidating.

Which leads me to phrase #2: "Her bark is bigger than her bite." Yup, I always try to intimidate people by talking like this but then they just laugh at me and tell other people that I'm funny and sarcastic. I guess that a little 5 foot tall Mexican girl, whose favorite color is pink, and who loves to laugh and dance in the halls at work, doesn't pull off the gangsta image all that well.

Which leads me to phrase #3: "No Way, Jose!" OK, as mentioned in the phrase #2 blurb, I'm Mexican. Well, I'm Mexican-American. My dad came to the U.S. when he was 18 (he was born and raised in Mexico City) and my mom swam across the river when she was 15. (She was born and raised in Lerdo - a small town in the state of Durango, Mexico. I bet you never heard of it.) My parents met at a low rider car show in East L.A. after they both arrived in the grand old U.S. of A. and the rest is history. So I get to be the lucky child...first generation born in America - Land of the Free, Land of the Rich, Land of theTaco Bell. But I digress. Being that my parents are not from this great country of ours, they were never privy to all of the great phrases and metaphors that most English speaking kids learn growing up in these here parts. So the first time my dad heard someone proclaim "No Way, Jose!" He had two things to say: 1.) "How deed jew know my name? (His name is Jose, in case you didn't catch on.) and 2.) "Jew are saying my name een-corrrrrectly. " You see, most Americans pronounce the name, Jose, as "Hose-A." As in a garden hose, and the letter "A." But it should actually be pronouced as "Hau-seh, " which does not rhyme with "no way." Anyway, my dad has now come to realize that this is just a phrase that Americans use to express disbelief and it has become one of his favorite American phrases to use... because it has his name in it. But when he says it, he insists on using the correct pronunciation of his name, so the phrase no longer rhymes and when people hear him say it, they usually respond with, "Huh? "

Which leads me to phrase #4: "You are sooooooo covered with Cheese!" So one day, after getting tired of hearing my dad explain to people that the phrase "No Way, Jose" is actually wrong because they are mispronouncing his name, I told him that he was cheesy. "What?" What do jew meeen that I am cheesy. I don't have any cheese on me. In fact, I have not eaten any cheese today, so how would I have any cheese on me?" {sigh} "Of course you don't have any cheese on you, daddy. It's just a saying..." So my dad learned a new phrase and was anxious to use it in a sentence. Except when he actually had the opportunity to say it, he couldn't remember exactly how the saying went. So one night, when he and I were watching Seinfeld on TV, my dad proclaimed, "He is soooooooo covered in cheese!!!"

Which leads me back to phrase #2: "Her bark is bigger than her bite. " I was talking to my dad on the phone today and was having trouble hearing him. Then I realized that it was because the loudest, most obnoxious dog was barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and barking, and BARKING, AND BARKING, AND BARKING, AND BARKING, AND BARKING, AND BARKING, AND BARKING right outside my bedroom window. And no matter where I walked within my little house, I couldn't avoid the torturous bark. So my dad told me to just walk outside and talk to the dog. Explain to the dog that she was annoying me and to ask her to please stop her barking. "But, Daddy, what if the dog bites me?" "Don't worry, mija, I'm sure that her bark is bigger than her bite." "Daddy, you are so covered with cheese."

Which now leads me back to phrase #1: "The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword." Instead of walking outside and doing anything about the barking dog, I decided to just turn on some music to drown out the barking and write on my blog instead. OK, so maybe this pen is mightier than my theoretical hair knife would be, but what are you gonna do about it? Is your sword mightier than your pen?

Labels: Viva Mexico

There's a reality show on MTV called "My super sweet 16" which features kids getting everything that they ask for on their 16th birthday on top of some extravagant million dollar party. And I'm not talking about a backyard BBQ or pool party...these parties are so over the top that even Paris Hilton and P.Diddy can't make it onto the guest list. Anywho, on one episode of this show, some little snot-nosed brat asks her dad for a Range Rover and then pouts when he suggests that maybe she get something a little smaller like a Mercedes, at which point she proclaims that she will never speak to her father again unless she gets the Range Rover.

Wow! I didn't know that life could be so simple. So today I picked up the phone and asked my dad to buy me a BMW. I explained to him that any 3-series BMW would suffice, as long as it had 4 doors, black leather interior, silver exterior, and a navigation system. I could even do without the upgraded rims as long as I was able to get the spoiler. My dad laughed at me and told me that he would buy me my BMW when he won the lottery, which basically meant that he wasn't going to buy me the car.

"But, Daddy," I explained, "The girl on MTV got a Range Rover for her Super Sweet 16."

"Mija, you're 28 years old...it's a little too late to ask for a sweet 16 gift. Besides, we're from Mexico. We don't do the sweet 16 thing. We do the quincenera thing."

"Then can I get a belated quincenera gift?"

"No."

"Damn."

So I hung up the phone and did what any logical 28 year old widow would do...I logged onto MTV.com to see if they would pimp my ride. If my dad won't buy me the car of my dreams, then maybe MTV would fix up my current set of wheels. And you know what? I don't qualify for that show. Not because my current car is too new...not because my current car has no visible exterior or interior body damage.... Do you wanna know the real reason why I don't qualify? I'm too old. "Must be between the ages of 18-22." Stupid MTV rules. Not only am I too old for a sweet 16 party or quincenera, but now I'm too old to be on MTV.

I will be turning 29 this year...maybe my dad will throw me a super-sweet-you're-almost-30-but-you still-have-one-more-year-left-in-your-twenties-fiesta-gigante. Then he'll buy me a 7 series BMW and I'll live happily ever after. But I'll probably just go out to dinner instead. (And still live happily ever after! Ha!)

Labels: I'm all growed up now., Viva Mexico