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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

With a taste of a poison paradise...

I have a problem. I am addicted. I know it's bad, but I just can't tear myself away and there isn't a rehab program in the world that can help.

And despite what everyone tells me...despite what my intuition says to me...despite the fact that I am convinced that God is speaking to me, through every single one of my friends, saying "GET AWAY NOW...THIS IS NO GOOD FOR YOU," I just can't leave.

I call it optimism.
Everyone else calls it insanity.

posted by The Merry Widow at 10:51 AM | 7 comments

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I am so smart! S-M-R-T!!!

There's this girl that we all know, who used to date this guy that we'll call Motorcycle-Guy. Let's call this girl Smarty-Pants. Well, none of us were really too fond of Smarty-Pants, not for any reason in particular. There was just something about her that didn't sit well with most of us, but none of us could put a finger on exactly what that was. But still, we tolerated her because she was dating Motorcycle Guy, which meant that she was now a momentary part of our social circle.

Well, a few weeks ago, we were all at the local pub and Valley-Girl and Cajun-Girl (two of my good friends) got up to go to the bathroom. At the same time, Motorcycle-Guy & Typical-Texas-Guy got up to fight someone (because that's what they do, here in Texas) and so I was momentarily left sitting at a table with Guy #6, skanky-ho, and the lovely, Miss Smarty-Pants. So Smarty-Pants decides to start up a conversation with me that went something like this:

SP: So how have you been?
me: Good. You?
SP: Tired. Classes just started again, so I've been getting up early everyday.
me: Classes?
SP: Yeah, This is my last semester of school?
me: Yeah? Bachelors?
SP: No. I'm going to [insert name of local community college here.] But I have like 8 minors. I don't like to brag, but I'm really smart.
me: Oh, are you???
SP: Yeah. That's why I have like 8 minors.
me: But no major? And no degree yet?
SP: Yeah, well I've been working too.
me: Yeah, well that could be tough...but I thought you only worked part time, like 2 days a week at Foley's.
SP: I do, but I also play Blackjack.
me: Well, I too like to play Blackjack, but I managed to get a Bachelor's degree and a career in the meanwhile.
SP: Yeah, but I'm trying to go pro.
me: Go pro?
SP: Yeah, I go to Lake Charles [Louisiana-they have casinos there] like every weekend. I probably make like 5 grand a month playing blackjack. I make more money than my parents do, you know.
me: So then why do you keep your job at Foley's, smarty-pants?
SP: Insurance.
me: Oh, they have a good plan?
SP: Well, actually, I don't know...I'm still on my parents' insurance.
me: I see.
SP: Anyway, I totally practice blackjack like 5 hours a day. I better practice now.

She then whips out her cell phone and proceeds to play blackjack on it for the rest of the night...while we're at the pub...good times.

Anyway, the lines that I put in bold, well those are the lines that Valley-Girl, Cajun-Girl, T-Bone (another good friend) and I like to say to each other now, on a daily basis because we think those lines are hilarious. I mean, this girl was totally taking herself seriously when she said all of this stuff to me. Whatever.

So...last night we were once again at the local pub. These 2 random guys decide to sit at our table and one of them decides to start up a conversation with me:

Random Guy: So what do you do?
Me: I work in Science.
Valley-Girl: Yeah, she's trying to cure cancer.
Random Guy: Really?
Me: Yeah. I totally cured cancer like 3 times today at work. It was AWESOME.
Random Guy: Wow! You must be really smart.
Me: Well, I don't like to brag, but yeah.
Random Guy: Do you make good money doing that?
Me: Yeah. I make more money than my parents do, you know...
Random Guy: Must be nice.
Me: Yeah, but I use a lot of my cash flow to play blackjack. I'm trying to go pro.

I said all of this with a totally straight face. Random Guy totally took me seriously the whole time, and was actually quite impressed. Valley-Girl fell off her chair, laughing so hard. Cajun-Girl was crying. And I think that T-Bone might have peed his pants a little.

As for Miss Smarty-Pants, well Motorcycle-Guy has since dumped her, but she will always hold a special place in all of our hearts. She was, afterall, really smart.

posted by The Merry Widow at 9:44 AM | 14 comments
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