There was this one time when my mother-in-law determined that her Mercedes Benz needed new tires. But rather than waste her money on the 4 new tires, she opted to just buy herself a new Lexus SUV instead. That's right, she's a baller
like that, so I thought it was hella cool when she pulled up to my house in her new pimped out ride.
So the other day I was checkin out my
quasi-pimped out ride and noticed that my 2 front tires were COMPLETELY BALD. This is probably due to the fact that I like to zoom all around Suburbia like a NASCAR driver, high on cocaine. Also, it explains why my tires haven't had any traction when it rains and why I keep burning rubber at all the stop lights.
It was at this point that I thought to myself, "WWMMILD?" (What would my mother-in-law do?) and determined that I too needed to buy myself a new car. But alas, I suddenly remembered that I am not a rich woman, married to the VP of a well known oil company, like she is. Plus, I spent all of my money on purses and shoes this month. So my dream of owning a new beamer is still on hold. But I did go to Discount Tire and buy myself some spankin new wheelz. (I spelled that with a 'z' cuz I from the streetz. BOOYAH!) And I upgraded from an H speed rating, to a V speed rating, which means that my car is now equipped for me to drive like Speed Racer.
Now if I can just find a place that sells discount Grillz
Dear Parental Units,
Thank you for all the neat-o presents that you gave to me for Christmas/3 Kings Day*. I love them all and I still love you both, even though you didn't buy me the M3 BMW that I've been begging for since I was born.
P.S. Don't forget that Valentine's Day is coming up! Can anyone say, "New Purse?"Editor's Note: Yes, I am fully aware that I am spoiled. Bite me. I'm a widow
.*Footnote: Three Kings Day is a holiday celebrated in Mexico (and other Latin American countries) where kids receive presents from The Three Wise Men that gave Frank Incense, Gold, and Myrrh to Jesus. This day is also known as the Epiphany and is celebrated on January 6. Kids, in Mexico, do not receive their gifts on Christmas Day, as this day is viewed as more of a religious holiday, rather than Santa Claus Day. Instead, kids receive all of their gifts on 3 Kings Day and write all of their letters to the 3 Wise Men, rather than to Santa Claus. And yes, I receive (and give) gifts on both days. My parents wanted to embrace the American culture and celebrate Christmas as Americans do, but they wanted me to also embrace my Mexican culture, so we also celebrate the Epiphany. Double the gifts, double the spoilage. Neat, huh?
For the past 5 weeks, I have experienced every single emotion that has ever existed EVER.
I went from content to blissful
blissful to ecstatic
ecstaic to fearful
fearful to hopeful
hopeful to confident
confident to scared
scared to excited
excited to trusting
trusting to paranoid
paranoid to psycho
psycho to validated
validated to sad
sad to despair
despair to anger
anger to sorrow
sorrow to anger
anger to hate
hate to wishing death to all who cross my path
wishing death to being indifferent
being indifferent to feeling sorry for myself
feeling sorry for myself to not caring
not caring to getting angry
getting angry to getting pissed
getting pissed to laughing
laughing to once again not caring
not caring to accepting
accepting to being brave
being brave to feeling lonely
feeling lonely to realizing that my life is about to change in the most major way possible.
And January isn't even over yet.
Needless to say, I have a hard time getting a handle on my thoughts in my mind, let alone on "paper."
Blogging will be sporadic for awhile. But as always, I'm sure that I'll be back to my fabulous sense of self eventually. Stay tuned....