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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I am such a grown up

I found a caterpillar on the door knob of my front door last night. And I was so overcome with fear that I literally ran back to my garage and got back into my car, to protect myself from the evil gaze of that monstrous caterpillar's satanic eyes.

I then proceeded to yell at DJ for the next 2 minutes for not pulling some strings up in heaven to get rid of all the bugs and creepy crawlies that may or may not be invading my house at any given moment. I mean, he left me alone in the world to fend for myself, the least he could do is shoo a few bugs away so that I don't have to pee my pants every time one comes near me. Right? RIGHT???

But alas, I knew that I had to tackle this on my own, so I did what any sane, smart, logical, soon-to-be-30-years-old woman would do. I called my Daddy.

"There's a caterpillar on my door knob. What do I do?"
"Flick it off."
"With my BARE hands?"
"If you want. Or you could get a paper towel."
"BUT HOW DO I GET A PAPER TOWEL WHEN I CAN'T GET INSIDE MY HOUSE??? THERE'S A CATERPILLAR ON MY DOOR KNOB!!! I'M TRAPPED OUTSIDE FOREVER!!!"
"Mija, calm down. You can't find a leaf or a stick or something else to use?"
"Are you kidding? It's dark out here. And I bet everything is covered in some sort of poisonous, neurotoxic caterpillar goop that will paralyze me with agonizing, excruciating pain the instant I touch it, causing me to have epileptic-like grand mal seizures and die! DIE I TELL YOU!!! So what do I do? WHAT DO I DO???"
"Mija, you're gonna have to calm down..."
"...Oh wait...The caterpillar is gone now. It must have crawled away while I was in my car. Never mind!"

And that, my friends, is the solution to all of life's problems. When you are in a time of crisis, and you don't know what to do, just wait 5 minutes...it might crawl away on it's own. And if that doesn't work, call the ultimate superhero - your daddy.

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posted by The Merry Widow at 10:39 AM |

5 Comments:

Commented by Blogger SWF:


That last paragraph is truly words to live by!


April 11, 2006 6:16 PM 
Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:


You nut!
haha.
And yes, I agree with SWF.
Amen to that.


April 12, 2006 2:19 PM 
Commented by Blogger Annejelynn:


for years, I've served as the remover of all creepy crawly fuzzy and hairy things smaller than a stick of butter for friends and family... I have some great stories, having witnessed countless coniptions, brought on by a lil' bug or mouse... hysterical memories. love your story!


April 12, 2006 9:31 PM 
Commented by Blogger limpy99:


I have this vision of you waiting outside your house for two weeks while the caterpillar spins a cocoon and then mutates into a butterfly.


April 14, 2006 3:30 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Jessie:


Dude - you should check out the BIG ASS spider I had to deal with! I posted a pic on my blog. Damn thing was the size of my hand. Talk about pants-shitting.


April 16, 2006 6:13 PM 

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