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Thursday, February 09, 2006

I am so smart! S-M-R-T!!!

There's this girl that we all know, who used to date this guy that we'll call Motorcycle-Guy. Let's call this girl Smarty-Pants. Well, none of us were really too fond of Smarty-Pants, not for any reason in particular. There was just something about her that didn't sit well with most of us, but none of us could put a finger on exactly what that was. But still, we tolerated her because she was dating Motorcycle Guy, which meant that she was now a momentary part of our social circle.

Well, a few weeks ago, we were all at the local pub and Valley-Girl and Cajun-Girl (two of my good friends) got up to go to the bathroom. At the same time, Motorcycle-Guy & Typical-Texas-Guy got up to fight someone (because that's what they do, here in Texas) and so I was momentarily left sitting at a table with Guy #6, skanky-ho, and the lovely, Miss Smarty-Pants. So Smarty-Pants decides to start up a conversation with me that went something like this:

SP: So how have you been?
me: Good. You?
SP: Tired. Classes just started again, so I've been getting up early everyday.
me: Classes?
SP: Yeah, This is my last semester of school?
me: Yeah? Bachelors?
SP: No. I'm going to [insert name of local community college here.] But I have like 8 minors. I don't like to brag, but I'm really smart.
me: Oh, are you???
SP: Yeah. That's why I have like 8 minors.
me: But no major? And no degree yet?
SP: Yeah, well I've been working too.
me: Yeah, well that could be tough...but I thought you only worked part time, like 2 days a week at Foley's.
SP: I do, but I also play Blackjack.
me: Well, I too like to play Blackjack, but I managed to get a Bachelor's degree and a career in the meanwhile.
SP: Yeah, but I'm trying to go pro.
me: Go pro?
SP: Yeah, I go to Lake Charles [Louisiana-they have casinos there] like every weekend. I probably make like 5 grand a month playing blackjack. I make more money than my parents do, you know.
me: So then why do you keep your job at Foley's, smarty-pants?
SP: Insurance.
me: Oh, they have a good plan?
SP: Well, actually, I don't know...I'm still on my parents' insurance.
me: I see.
SP: Anyway, I totally practice blackjack like 5 hours a day. I better practice now.

She then whips out her cell phone and proceeds to play blackjack on it for the rest of the night...while we're at the pub...good times.

Anyway, the lines that I put in bold, well those are the lines that Valley-Girl, Cajun-Girl, T-Bone (another good friend) and I like to say to each other now, on a daily basis because we think those lines are hilarious. I mean, this girl was totally taking herself seriously when she said all of this stuff to me. Whatever.

So...last night we were once again at the local pub. These 2 random guys decide to sit at our table and one of them decides to start up a conversation with me:

Random Guy: So what do you do?
Me: I work in Science.
Valley-Girl: Yeah, she's trying to cure cancer.
Random Guy: Really?
Me: Yeah. I totally cured cancer like 3 times today at work. It was AWESOME.
Random Guy: Wow! You must be really smart.
Me: Well, I don't like to brag, but yeah.
Random Guy: Do you make good money doing that?
Me: Yeah. I make more money than my parents do, you know...
Random Guy: Must be nice.
Me: Yeah, but I use a lot of my cash flow to play blackjack. I'm trying to go pro.

I said all of this with a totally straight face. Random Guy totally took me seriously the whole time, and was actually quite impressed. Valley-Girl fell off her chair, laughing so hard. Cajun-Girl was crying. And I think that T-Bone might have peed his pants a little.

As for Miss Smarty-Pants, well Motorcycle-Guy has since dumped her, but she will always hold a special place in all of our hearts. She was, afterall, really smart.

posted by The Merry Widow at 9:44 AM |


Commented by Blogger limpy99:

When she said she had 8 minors, I momentarily thought she was holding kids hostage in her basement. She could make way more than her parents if she did that for a living.

February 09, 2006 10:57 AM 
Commented by Blogger some girl:

I love anyone who uses a Homer Simpson quote in a blog post title.

February 09, 2006 6:26 PM 
Commented by Blogger Sharla:

LOL. She sounds like ME when I was 20. I thought I was so pretty, so smart, I changed my major eleven times because I could just do anything because I was so smart, and it was totally great that I made more than my parents. And I wanted to do everything. Speak five languages (I speak English). Own my own restaurant/dojo/whatever-the-hell-I-thought-of-next.

And I have figured out where this comes from. My parents. They constantly stuffed into my head how wonderful I was and I beleived it, with no fault. With my own kids I say things like "you can do whatever you decide you want to, but you'll have to work at it". Or "you've got a nice sized brain in there, Use It." It took me till I was about 28 before I figured out that stuff takes WORK.

I bet Smarty-Pants ends up in jail.

February 09, 2006 7:18 PM 
Commented by Blogger Tuesday Girl:

Too funny.

February 10, 2006 4:41 PM 
Commented by Blogger Valerie:

That's hilarious!

February 11, 2006 9:31 AM 
Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:

Very fucking funny!
I am glad she thinks having a degree will make her smart.
I don't have a degree but I know a lot of people that do and they are some of the stupidest people I know.

February 11, 2006 10:34 AM 
Commented by Blogger Big Heavy:

hey, i did 8 minors last week.

okay, i know that was sick but i couldn't help it...sorry.

maybe i'm just jealous, i'm not smart, i'm not going pro at anything, and i don't make more than my one retired parent :(

February 12, 2006 2:18 AM 
Commented by Blogger Random and Odd:


I swear I have a few of those lines we stole from some woman who wasn't so smart either.


good times.

February 12, 2006 10:00 PM 
Commented by Blogger little sister:

That is HILFUCKINGLARIOUS! And you played it on the random dude....omg - too funny!

This is why I heart you, Merry Widow :)

February 13, 2006 10:57 AM 
Commented by Anonymous Guy #3:

I heart you mostly for the hand in my pants.

February 13, 2006 5:31 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Jessie:

haha...that is totally funny. Nice to hear from you again M-wid!

February 14, 2006 3:16 AM 
Commented by Blogger Big Heavy:

Happy Valentine's Day Smarty Smurf!!

February 14, 2006 11:30 AM 
Commented by Blogger SWF:

It's so nice to know I am not the only one to latch onto something completely stupid, that someone else said while thinking they were particularly smart, and use it for comic relief.

I heart you, MW. :P

February 16, 2006 6:08 PM 
Commented by Blogger Tillerman:

Very funny. Have you noticed it's only the people who aren't all that smart who will boast about how smart they are?

March 06, 2006 10:44 AM 

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