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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Professor, what's another word for pirate treasure?

What do you call someone who calls you past midnight, after a night of drinking, and asks you to come over?

Answer: Guy #6

Guy #6 (aka Hottie McHotterson) has been a "regular" in my night life since January of this year. Yes, he was put on the back burner for Guy #5, Architect-Purse Guy, and even Asshole with small dick during the past year. And yes, I was put on hold for this ho for awhile. But throughout the entire year, we've always been in touch, we've always hung out with the same group of friends, we've always been, how can I put it, territorial of each other.

But lately Guy #6 has become more than a "regular" in my life. He has become a fixture. Since the beginning of August, we have been together almost every night. In fact, the only times that we haven't been together were when I was vacation, when he was on vacation, and for 2 days during Rita-fest 2005.

And lately, our nights have incorporated more of the following activities:
1.) Watching movies that are not pornographic. (Not that I have EVER watched pornography - Merry Widow is an innocent girl.)
2.) Cuddling.
3.) Spooning.

Did you hear that? I said TALKING, people. WTF? If there's one qualification that I want in a booty call, it's NOT talking. Talking scares me. Talking makes me like Guy #6 more. Talking makes me think that maybe he likes me more. Talking makes me want to get all domestic. You know, like cooking pot roasts, sewing my own curtains, and having 10 million of Guy #6's babies. This, in turn, makes me close up. "Don't open your heart, Merry Widow!" I tell myself. "Guy #6 is not good for you! He does not fulfill any of the qualifications listed here."

And then you know what the bastard had the nerve to do? He called me like 800 times a day over the past week just to check up on me and make sure I was doing ok. He knew that Hurricane-bitch-ass-ho-Rita was freaking me out. How dare he check up on me! Now I have to actually admit that I like him as more than a booty call! Now I have to stop acting like I don't care what he does!

Kristine told me the other day that her "booty call" guy actually had the nerve to move in with her and become like the bestest/dreamiest boyfriend ever. His name is Shaun. Maybe you've heard of him. And you know what I say to that??? HELL NO! I don't want to have a bestest/dreamiest boyfriend ever!!! Because that would mean that I would no longer be lonely and I love being lonely! I want to be lonely forever!!!

OK, I gotta go now. I'm on my way to Guy #6's house. Damn him and his hotness.

posted by The Merry Widow at 11:19 PM |


Commented by Anonymous single girl:

Guy #6 sounds dangerously like my T. I thought it was turning into more than a booty call because we had become very good...FRIENDS.

Turns out, he thinks of me as a friend...that he happened to have hot, delicious sex with on a fairly regular basis.

Of course, that doesn't mean this guy can't be the bestest/dreamiest boyfriend ever for you. Time will tell. Or he will. :)

September 26, 2005 8:21 AM 
Commented by Blogger madmanan:

eh, stop thinking about it, and just screw him. :)

September 26, 2005 9:48 AM 
Commented by Blogger Nessa:

I want a guy #6 - how cool! Well, at least we know why we're not hearing from you :)

September 26, 2005 10:15 AM 
Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:

WOO HOO! Guy #6 is freaking you out..totally freaking you the fuck out.
Hilarious! Now make sure you come back to blog land occasionally, don't be disappearing on us.

September 26, 2005 10:33 AM 
Commented by Blogger Random and Odd:

Yes, Shaun was the bestest bootie call guy EVER.
He always made me dinner and had a movie for us to watch.

DAMN HIM. I should have seen that 'I think we should see if this can work.' coming a mile away.


I was doomed from the start.

September 26, 2005 10:53 AM 
Commented by Blogger David:

Since I can't make pot roast, that makes me what???
Just a writer who is crazy now but was loonier in the days of the great duck slaughter, which I am elucidating on my largely ignored blog.

I can't write about romantic things because my readership includes family, so I sublimate by recalling brushes with death.

September 26, 2005 11:25 AM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Kristine: He made you pot roast? AND he does goofy? Marry him already!!!

September 26, 2005 11:30 AM 
Commented by Blogger Random and Odd:

Marry my booty call?

Is that allowed?

September 26, 2005 7:17 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Jessie:

Hahaha....oh M-Wid...I think you should go for it. Who knows, maybe Guy #6 is like one of thise urban single-girl myths: the booty call guy who turns into a fab-u-boyfriend.

September 27, 2005 11:32 AM 

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