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Monday, May 23, 2005

I Ain't No Holla Back Girl

There's this girl I know, let's call her doughnut-head, who does not like me. I know that she doesn't like me. People have told me that she doesn't like me. Now, I know that you're thinking, "Who doesn't like The Merry Widow???" She is totally fabulous and awesome and I wish that I could hang out with her everyday." But yes, there are people out there who don't like me. And I'm guessing that doughnut-head doesn't like me because, well, let's just say that her boyfriend and I may or or may not have gotten to know each other pretty well in the past. Mind you, doughnut-head and her boyfriend were not together at the time, but she still hates me, nevertheless. And maybe another reason that she hates me is because whenever I see doughnut-head's boyfriend he totally flirts with me, hugs me, kisses me, and tells me things like, "Oh that bitch? She's not my girl." And because I'm the polite person that I am, I flirt back, hug back, kiss back, and say, "Really? Then let's ditch her and go somewhere else." (Sidenote: I have never actually left with doughnut-head's boyfriend...I make it a rule to not "steal" another girl's man. So don't hate me.)

Anywho, I ran into doughnut-head and her hottie boyfriend this past Saturday at a local bar. Now I'm thinking, "Uh oh. This girl wants to cut me. I'm gonna avoid her all night to avoid any drama." And at the same time I'm thinking that she surely wants to avoid me too. But instead, she marches her big butt over to me and says, in her most bubbly voice, "HI, MERRY WIDOW!!! IT'S SO AWESOME TO SEE YOU! IT'S BEEN FOREVER!!!" Now, there are two theories that run into my head as to why she is so nice to me at this very moment:

1.) The "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" theory. A smart move. I would never go after a friend's man. It's an unspoken rule that I will not break. But, doughnut-head is not the brightest color in the crayola box, so I don't think she's smart enough to come up with this ideology.

2.) She's a fake, scared, chicken-shit. Sure, she can talk smack about me behind my back. But to my face, she's as sweet as an angel, complimenting my hair and clothes, telling me that I'm funny, and pretty, and nice.

Now mind you, I don't say nice things back to her. I just sort of smile, say thanks, and ask her where her boyfriend is. I'm not one of those girls who will kiss your ass in front of you and then call you a slut behind your back. If I don't like you, then I'm not gonna act like I do when I see you. I'm not gonna march up to you and get ghetto or anything, but I'll make it pretty clear that your presence is not worthy of my time, space, or sight. And guess what...I have a whole posse of awesome friends who do have my back and will kick your ass for me if necessary.

On may way out of the bar, doughnut-head's boyfriend runs up to me and says, "I know I've already told you this, but I just wanted to tell you again...she's not my girl." To which I reply, "Yeah, right. Give me a call when she's completely out of the picture." He says, "Not until then?" I just smile and walk away. I might not like doughnut-head, and I might want to jump her boyfriend at any given moment, but I won't take another girl's man. I've met Karma before...she can be an even bigger bitch than I am.

posted by The Merry Widow at 12:42 AM |


Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:

Looks like donut heads man is real interested in what she has to offer.
Just take him..if you want him..have him.
Is this biatch ugly or something. Why do you think he isn't in to her. Not that it matters. Tell donut head to BRANG IT ON..I like your style Merry Widow. Keepin it REAL!

May 23, 2005 9:57 AM 
Commented by Blogger Random and Odd:

Fucking LOVE that last line!

Karma...dude...I thought Karma came back slowly to kick your ass. No way, Karma comes at you and says, 'I HAVE A LIST OF SOME SHIT..PAY UP BITCH"

Good for you!

May 23, 2005 11:00 AM 
Commented by Blogger Dazed:

So, details. Whats the scoop with the "donut head" nickname? Does she have a poofy ass haircut that has a circle in the middle? Is it because she looks like a creamstick? WHAT!? (big fan of the back story here...)
I gotcho' back merry widow!!!

May 23, 2005 3:41 PM 
Commented by Blogger Von Krankipantzen:

I am so betting she is #2.

May 23, 2005 7:55 PM 
Commented by Blogger Random and Odd:

So this boyfriend...you just like him...in a friend kinda way?

May 23, 2005 9:27 PM 
Commented by Blogger Big Heavy:

"Who doesn't like The Merry Widow???" She is totally fabulous and awesome and I wish that I could hang out with her everyday."

May 23, 2005 9:32 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Mrs. Pissy: I don't really know doughnut-head, so I can't say why he's not that into her. But from what I hear, she's bossy, bitchy, and dumb. I'm inclined to agree, but I'm probably a little biased.

Kristine: Hehehe, yeah I've learned that lesson the hard way in the past. And to answer your question, I don't know what it is about him, but I definately want him to be more than just my friend. sigh... I guess I can't always get what I want.

Dazed: LOL! Someone else assigned that name to her, I can't take credit for it. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the size of her butt and the mushy stuff taking up the space of where a brain would normally sit. Just a guess.

Krankipantzen: Do you mean second to me? As much as I'd like to think so, I'm thinking that right now she still has priority in his mind.

Big Heavy: You're making me blush!!! Thanks. :-)

May 24, 2005 2:02 AM 

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