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Sunday, August 21, 2005

Sex & The Lone Star State

Random guy: "I don't know if you know this, but you have a beautiful smile. I had to come over here just to tell you that."

Me: "Thanks."

Random guy: "Can I buy you a drink?"

Me: "No thanks. I'm good."

Random guy: "But I just told you that you had a beautiful smile."

Me: "Do you tell your wife that she has a beautiful smile too?"

Random guy: "What makes you think I have a wife?"

Me: "The fact that you're still wearing your wedding ring."

Random guy: "Oh yeah...that...."

I thought this sort of stuff only happened on TV. So when someone decides to make my life into a TV show, I want Salma Hayek to play me. Christina Applegate can be cast as my smart, funny, raunchy best friend. Sarah Jessica Parker can be an extra. The show will be called, "Just because I'm sitting here at the bar, without a man next to me, doesn't mean that I want to go home with you. Oh, and see that guy across the way watching us? He is my boyfriend and he'll kick your ass the minute I ask him to. So go away now." Either that, or it will be called, "Guys are Stupid." I don't know...I can't decide right now. The theme song will be "How We Do" by The Game. Either that or "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Again, I can't decide.

posted by The Merry Widow at 9:46 PM |

16 Comments:

Commented by Blogger mrtl:


What is hell is that all about? He pays your a compliment and expects a reward?


August 22, 2005 1:10 AM 
Commented by Blogger Nessa:


wow - just wow - losers!


August 22, 2005 9:53 AM 
Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:


You cannot be fucking serious.
What the fuck.


August 22, 2005 10:51 AM 
Commented by Blogger Jessie:


woah...it should totally be called Boys Are Stupid.

And I vote for total eclipse of the heart.

Or maybe that song where the course is 'the trouble with boys...they're nothin but trouble'

it was in that friends episode where ross and monica are doing their little dance at the new years party.

Sad i know that...but thats what you get when you live with a girl who was OBSESSED with that show for 4 yrs.


August 22, 2005 2:34 PM 
Commented by Blogger Jessie:


woah...it should totally be called Boys Are Stupid.

And I vote for total eclipse of the heart.

Or maybe that song where the course is 'the trouble with boys...they're nothin but trouble'

it was in that friends episode where ross and monica are doing their little dance at the new years party.

Sad i know that...but thats what you get when you live with a girl who was OBSESSED with that show for 4 yrs.


August 22, 2005 2:34 PM 
Commented by Blogger little sister:


I worship the ground you walk on and wanna have like 10 million of your babies ;-)

I'm such a wuss I'd have taken him up on the drink...or maybe I'm so greedy I'd have taken him up on the drink...then I would have said something about my boyfriend...

Your approach is much classier, chica :)


August 23, 2005 3:30 PM 
Commented by Anonymous sarcastic journalist:


He also planned on buying you a drink and getting laid for doing so.

I hope to be in the movie. Gwyneth can play me. Cause I'm tall and skinny and blonde. I hope she likes to grab boobs.


August 23, 2005 5:27 PM 
Commented by Blogger Shaun:


NOT Total Eclipse of The Heart.

Kristine goes into a psycho, I-need-to-blast-Shaun-in-the-nuts-with-a-bag-of-stale-marshmallows fit if that song is on for more than the first three notes.

Wish I was kidding...that shit hurts. You'll be having a very special "Bath with Twins" episode though, right???


August 24, 2005 3:01 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:


Mrtl: Yeah, I think he might have been a pet dog in disguise. Except not as cute, he wouldn't obey commands, and he had fleas. He practically tried to hump my leg.

SillyNessa: You need to hook me up with an H-Town Fireman!!!

Pissy: My thoughts exactly.

Jessie: I love love love that you totally know that episode of Friends. I too may or may not have been obsessed with that show. Ahem, I mean, my roommate was obsessed...yeah...that's it....

Lil Sister: I wanna have 10 million of your babies too!!! ;-) I'm actually surprised that I was actually civil with him and didn't sic Guy#6 on him.

SJ: If you let me have Salma, you can totally have Gwenyth. Image that episode: Gwenyth grabbing Salma's boobs and telling her she looked like a lesbian. Then they would pig out on bacon. I bet that would be the top rated show...EVER.

Shaun: Seriously? Cuz that's like one of my top 5 favorite cheesy songs. I'll have to incorporate it into the bathtub episode.


August 24, 2005 9:31 PM 
Commented by Blogger Freebird:


Hiya! Just read your comment on Big Heavy's blog. Yep, I'm in Houston alright! Was going to email you, but you don't have an email address listed. If you're interested email me through my old blog and I can direct you to my new blog home. Also, I'd love to find out where in Houston you are. Maybe we're really close to each other. :-)


August 25, 2005 12:12 AM 
Commented by Blogger Suburban Turmoil:


Oh yeah, guys are STOOPID. I remember some ridiculous pick up lines from when I was single. I found that smiling and saying, "I'm a lesbian" was verrry effective with this kind of man. Lots of gulping and a quick exit by him generally followed. And I'm not a lesbian by the way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


August 25, 2005 8:55 AM 
Commented by Blogger Valerie:


Problem is, there are some stupid women out there who fall for that hook, line and sinker. Or who don't care about the wedding ring.

Anyway, I love how you relegated (sp?) Sarah Jessica Parker to the role of an extra!


August 25, 2005 7:45 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Pin.kSti.etto:


Wait... what... boyfriend?


August 28, 2005 4:05 PM 
Commented by Blogger Angel With an Attitude:


nice...real slick there buddy


August 29, 2005 4:51 PM 
Commented by Blogger David:


a guyt with a poor opening line. what a surprise.


August 31, 2005 3:49 PM 
Commented by Blogger Dazed:


Selma playing you? You must be one hot mama, meow!!!
That guy is a total tard, my god. I would been like, "ok, wheres danny tanner and the hidden cameras, am I on tv?" WTF!!!


August 31, 2005 8:47 PM 

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