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Friday, November 17, 2006

In France, they call it a "Royale with Cheese."

So I'm at work, sitting in the bathroom stall, waiting for the 2 Chinese girls to hurry up and finish their conversation and get the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks, out of the bathroom so that I can enjoy my poop time in private. Cuz there is NO WAY that I'm gonna toot/fart/let my ass explode while other people are in the room with me. I don't care who you are, that's just embarrassing.

So the 2 Chinese girls were standing outside my stall, just jib-jabbering away, going on and on and on and on. Now, I mention that they are Chinese because their entire conversation was in Chinese, which means that I didn't understand a single word that they were saying. But apparently, whatever they were talking about was pretty darn funny, because boy were they laughing a lot.

Did I mention that they were standing right outside of my bathroom stall? And that I had to poop? Like really badly? Like, I had eaten Taco Bell the night before, just before I went to sleep (yes, I'm healthy like that) and my 3 Crunchy Tacos had chosen this exact moment to stage a coup against my colon and were ready to charge out of my butt, like Mel Gibson did in Braveheart...face paint and all?

Anyway, because I am a courteous member of the work-pooping society, I chose to wait for these 2 Chinese girls to finish their conversation and leave before my butt decided to let loose all that is unholy on this Earth. The wait was pretty agonizing.

So I'm sitting there, on top of my pretty little toilet seat cover, silently cussing out the 2 little Chinese speaking whores, when I realize that I can actually understand one word in their dialogue, which they keep repeating throughout their 1000-chapter-conversation. You wanna know what the word was? Hamburger. As in 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame bun. Yeah, that word. They kept repeating it over and over and over again. So their conversation sounded something like this:

Chinese Girl #1: "Blah blah blah...words in Chinese, words in Chinese, words in Chinese, Hamburger, more words I don't understand."

[Laughter from both girls...]

Chinese Girl #2: "Hamburger, words, blah blah, Chinese words, more Chinese words, hamburger, hamburger...."

Which begs the question: Does the word "Hamburger" actually mean something in Chinese? Or were these 2 girls just having a joyous conversation about Fuddruckers?

You be the judge.


posted by The Merry Widow at 4:33 PM |


Commented by Blogger Big Heavy:

labels: unfinished stories

November 17, 2006 11:11 PM 
Commented by Blogger Dirty Martini Girl:

But did you ever get to poop???

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who suffers silently on the toilet while waiting for the bathroom to empty.

November 19, 2006 11:39 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Melanie Marie:

Wow, that was great. We wait 4 months and your first post is about poop! :)

You should have just let it rip; they would have left very quickly!

You have to watch out for Taco Bell, it's sneaky like that!

November 20, 2006 9:24 AM 
Commented by Blogger Kenneth:

Girls are disgusting.

November 20, 2006 4:05 PM 
Commented by Blogger Big Heavy:

back at my previous office there was this janitor feller, he would absolutely blow up in his stall. then he would crack up laughing! it was hilarious. he pushes around a shopping cart downtown talking to himself now.

November 20, 2006 6:33 PM 
Commented by Blogger little sister:

I'm like you....I can't let everyone know that my Taco Bell is going to be Taco Smell as soon as it comes out of my butt....sorry you had to wait, and worse yet, you couldn't even listen to gossip you could fully understand!

poor MW!

But I'm glad you blogged. That totally was qualified blogfodder ;)

November 21, 2006 9:30 PM 
Commented by Blogger Stephanie:

Holy shitcakes Batman.
You don't post for 80 years and then you come back and talk POOP.
This is why I heart you so.

December 14, 2006 8:40 PM 
Commented by Blogger amanda:

I am so glad that you are still updating here. I love your sense of humor.

Can you add an RSS feed to your blog so we can get updates when you post? (I use feedburner.com for my blog.)

Thanks and take care,


January 13, 2007 9:23 AM 
Commented by Anonymous Anonymous:

You are mis-hearing them.

What they are actually talking about is "ahm - boo - ga ".

This is Chinese for anal sex and they were probably discussing the possibility that you might be up for some.


January 30, 2007 3:36 AM 
Commented by Blogger Naked Monkey Boy:

Well I would have emailed you the dumbness report, but apparently I don't have a correct email address for you...can you help me out?

December 06, 2007 7:08 AM 

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