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Monday, November 07, 2005

Boulevard of Broken Cars

Dear retarded lady who crashed into my car in the post office parking lot,

Next time you try to convince me that you didn't crash into my car, but that "Ooops! We must have crashed into each other!" I will pull out my knife, gouge each of your eyes out, and say, "Ooops! My knife and your eyes must have crashed into each other!"

See that reflective little rectangle hanging from the ceiling of your car? You know, the one right smack dab in the middle of your ceiling, right up next to your front dash? That thing is called a "rear view mirror." If you look into it, it magically shows you stuff that's behind your car. I'm not sure how it works...must be some old jedi trick or something, but you should try using it sometime. Then, maybe next time, you'll be able to see that there is a bright blue car, sitting at a complete stand still, right behind, and perpendicular to your car. And maybe, just maybe, you won't decide to peel out of your parking space, in reverse, and bash the crap out of my car.

Oh yeah, and that girl sitting shotgun in my car? She's not traumatized or anything. Nope, not one bit. She only spent the next 4 hours talking about every single car wreck she's ever been in and how much she never ever wants to even see a car, let alone set foot in one. Other than that, I don't think that today's incident phased her. So no need to worry.

Anywho, just wanted to let you know that we're all ok. No one was hurt, thank God, and at the end I remembered that a car is just a car and that what matters is that you, my friend, and I were in no way injured. And this helped me get over the whole thing. Well, this and my insurance agent, who assured me that "you don't have a thing to worry about, Merry Widow...we'll take over from here and all will be taken care of."

So thank you, retarded lady who crashed into my car in the post office parking lot. You reminded me of what really matters in life: health, good friends, and great auto-insurance.

Merry Widow

posted by The Merry Widow at 6:56 PM |


Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:

Ok, I just pissed myself. I am sorry about the wreck but retarded lady that crashed into your car is really retarded.
Did retarded lady not have insurance?

November 07, 2005 8:29 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Nilla:

Usually those type of retarded lady drivers are behind the wheel of an F350 or a Hummer.

November 08, 2005 12:13 AM 
Commented by Blogger mrtl:


November 08, 2005 12:29 AM 
Commented by Blogger madmanan:

im glad you are ok!!! (and your passenger as well)

November 08, 2005 8:17 AM 
Commented by Blogger Tuesday Girl:

Sing it sister!
I am glad you are ok.

November 08, 2005 8:24 AM 
Commented by Blogger Naked Monkey Boy:

Arrrgh !! People are so stupid ! I'm gald you're okie dokie, Cheesepickle ! If you are super-sans-car and need a ride let me know...You failed to mention if yours was still drivable or no.

Talk to later cutie patootie !


November 08, 2005 5:51 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Old Lady:

Dear J-Lo looking woman I hit in the parking lot today,

You were such a nice girl to this old retarded lady. I'm glad you didn't hit me in the face like you threatened to do when I grabbed my neck.

The retarded Old Lady

November 09, 2005 2:28 PM 
Commented by Blogger Freebird:

I'd have to royally rip her a new one if retard did that to my car.

November 09, 2005 7:38 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Jade:

Only for you, Merry Widow...

Only for you.

(NICE frog by the way...) Oh! And I'll be in Houston this weekend if you'd like to hang out (I could go for a beer!)! See ya!

November 10, 2005 10:00 PM 

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