I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. It's been under control for awhile, but it flares up every so often, just like my allergies do. All of that pine pollen in the air these days has really been making me sneeze, making my nose run, making my eyes itch, and making me blurt out things that I need to keep to myself.
So today I found out some
very personal information about a friend. Some information that was entertaining, intriguing, and most of all
TMI. I internalized this information and kept it to myself. You see, one of my resolutions for myself is to refrain from spreading gossip. And this little piece of information was just BEGGING to be unleashed from my mouth. But still, I refrained. I bit my tongue. I held it in.
But you see, this piece of information was made public.
Not by me, but by the infamous piece of webspace what we call blog. Awww yes...sweet, dear, funny, not-so-anonymous blogs. The place where people vent, whine, recount, and
reveal.
Anyway, while going through my list of 8-million-blogs-that-I-
have-to-read-everyday-or-else-I-might-die, I come across the juiciest little tidbit that would have normally just rolled off of my back. Except for one little, teeny, itsy, bitsy fact: I know this person. But like I said, after reading it, I laughed to myself, internalized it, and tried to go on with my day. Until I received the following email: "Hey, M-Wid...did you, by chance, read so-and-so's blog today?" At which point I wanted to immediately call up my email friend and yell out, "OMG!!! I TOTALLY READ IT!!! TMI! TMI!!!" and then talk about it at length. But I didn't. I simply replied with, "Yes. Gross." And that was it. I kept it in.
But
then I couldn't just be satisfied with holding it in. Oh no...you see, that's one of the symptoms of foot-in-mouth syndrome. No matter how hard you try not to say anything, no matter how many people you want to tell and don't, something still has to give. I
had to let so-and-so know that I knew. I didn't even give details. I simply said, in passing, "Dude, you're weird." That was it. But that was all it took. I could see the embarrassment in so-and-so's eyes. And then the guilt took over my soul more than any Sunday at church ever has. I felt the immediate need to repent. But no matter how many Hail Mary's and Our Father's I recited, I still felt horrible. Just for the one little sentence..."Dude, you're weird." Why, oh, why did I have to say anything???
Then I started over analyzing. That's what I do when I'm stressed. I came up with the theory that so-and-so probably thinks that I'm spreading gossip...so-and-so probably doesn't know that email friend also reads blogs and that I didn't tell email friend anything. Email friend found out all by him/herself. So-and-so is probably going stop talking to me. I mean, did you see the way so-and-so threw stuff into the garbage can today. Didn't it seem like so-and-so threw it in there a bit harder and louder than usual? That's a clear indication that so-and-so is going to hate me FOREVER. Right?
Then came the apology issue. Should I apologize? On one hand, I so wanted to run over and say sorry. I wanted to get on my hands and knees and say, "I take it back! I'm not judging you! I'm weird too!!! In fact, I'm probably weirder than you!" But on the other hand, I didn't want to make an even bigger deal about it. Maybe so-and-so wanted me to drop it. Maybe if I ignored it, it would just go away.
So here's my solution:
1. I'm blogging it. (Sidenote: blog as a verb, rather than a noun, makes me giggle.) I know that so-and-so reads my blog from time to time. So when that time comes, I want so-and-so to know that I AM SORRY. But like I said, I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. Oh yeah, and I might also have
Tourette's. Bad combination.
2. I'm getting my mouth sewn shut. This should take care of the foot-in-mouth, Tourette's, and I will also be able to lose weight. (Bonus side effect!)
Do you think that my insurance will cover this?
Go Ahead, Share Your Thoughts! .
