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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I should have gotten a pedicure yesterday.

I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. It's been under control for awhile, but it flares up every so often, just like my allergies do. All of that pine pollen in the air these days has really been making me sneeze, making my nose run, making my eyes itch, and making me blurt out things that I need to keep to myself.

So today I found out some very personal information about a friend. Some information that was entertaining, intriguing, and most of all TMI. I internalized this information and kept it to myself. You see, one of my resolutions for myself is to refrain from spreading gossip. And this little piece of information was just BEGGING to be unleashed from my mouth. But still, I refrained. I bit my tongue. I held it in.

But you see, this piece of information was made public. Not by me, but by the infamous piece of webspace what we call blog. Awww yes...sweet, dear, funny, not-so-anonymous blogs. The place where people vent, whine, recount, and reveal.

Anyway, while going through my list of 8-million-blogs-that-I-have-to-read-everyday-or-else-I-might-die, I come across the juiciest little tidbit that would have normally just rolled off of my back. Except for one little, teeny, itsy, bitsy fact: I know this person. But like I said, after reading it, I laughed to myself, internalized it, and tried to go on with my day. Until I received the following email: "Hey, M-Wid...did you, by chance, read so-and-so's blog today?" At which point I wanted to immediately call up my email friend and yell out, "OMG!!! I TOTALLY READ IT!!! TMI! TMI!!!" and then talk about it at length. But I didn't. I simply replied with, "Yes. Gross." And that was it. I kept it in.

But then I couldn't just be satisfied with holding it in. Oh no...you see, that's one of the symptoms of foot-in-mouth syndrome. No matter how hard you try not to say anything, no matter how many people you want to tell and don't, something still has to give. I had to let so-and-so know that I knew. I didn't even give details. I simply said, in passing, "Dude, you're weird." That was it. But that was all it took. I could see the embarrassment in so-and-so's eyes. And then the guilt took over my soul more than any Sunday at church ever has. I felt the immediate need to repent. But no matter how many Hail Mary's and Our Father's I recited, I still felt horrible. Just for the one little sentence..."Dude, you're weird." Why, oh, why did I have to say anything???

Then I started over analyzing. That's what I do when I'm stressed. I came up with the theory that so-and-so probably thinks that I'm spreading gossip...so-and-so probably doesn't know that email friend also reads blogs and that I didn't tell email friend anything. Email friend found out all by him/herself. So-and-so is probably going stop talking to me. I mean, did you see the way so-and-so threw stuff into the garbage can today. Didn't it seem like so-and-so threw it in there a bit harder and louder than usual? That's a clear indication that so-and-so is going to hate me FOREVER. Right?

Then came the apology issue. Should I apologize? On one hand, I so wanted to run over and say sorry. I wanted to get on my hands and knees and say, "I take it back! I'm not judging you! I'm weird too!!! In fact, I'm probably weirder than you!" But on the other hand, I didn't want to make an even bigger deal about it. Maybe so-and-so wanted me to drop it. Maybe if I ignored it, it would just go away.

So here's my solution:

1. I'm blogging it. (Sidenote: blog as a verb, rather than a noun, makes me giggle.) I know that so-and-so reads my blog from time to time. So when that time comes, I want so-and-so to know that I AM SORRY. But like I said, I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. Oh yeah, and I might also have Tourette's. Bad combination.

2. I'm getting my mouth sewn shut. This should take care of the foot-in-mouth, Tourette's, and I will also be able to lose weight. (Bonus side effect!)

Do you think that my insurance will cover this?

posted by The Merry Widow at 11:39 PM |


Commented by Blogger madmanan:

lol, i dont know about the insurance part. but which part are you upset about, spreading gossip? or calling him/her weird?

because you didnt spread the gossip, he/she is the one that posted it on the INTERNET!

April 20, 2005 8:40 AM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Well, so-and-so didn't post it...someone who is close to so-and-so posted it. I just feel bad that I said anything at all. Should have just kept my mouth shut all together. But thanks for the support!!!

April 20, 2005 9:51 AM 
Commented by Anonymous sarcastic journalist:

I know what you are talking about. Merry Widow, shame shame shame. I just feel out of the loop as I don't know who email buddy is.

April 20, 2005 10:28 AM 
Commented by Blogger madmanan:

ohhhhh, with all of the so-and-so's and the he/she's i must have gotten confused.

either way, i still say you are in the clear. you didnt post it for the world to see, you just read it, and made a comment to him about it...

who knows. how about them rockets?

April 20, 2005 11:43 AM 
Commented by Blogger Sissychong:

Seems like you are in a pickle. What I want to know is, the blog address that started it all!! :o)

April 20, 2005 1:53 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl:

I came accross your blog today and got a kick out of reading it. Just wanted to let you know!

April 20, 2005 2:10 PM 
Commented by Blogger Surfie:

Two words, "Dysfunction Junction," and bring on that foot-in-mouth 'ism. I'm sure we can all figger out a solution over elk sausage appetizers.

April 20, 2005 3:02 PM 
Commented by Blogger Pissy Britches:

Girl, gossip is so MUCH FUN though. FUN FUN FUN~

April 20, 2005 7:57 PM 
Commented by Blogger Head of our pack...:

Now I am just dying to know the blog address that you a referring to!

Like others have already said, you are in the clear as you only commented on something that was already made very public by someone else.

I have to admit, my very nosey gossipy side is dying to hear the dirt.

April 20, 2005 8:39 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Yeah, sorry I had to be so vague about this entry...I'm really trying hard not to gossip!!! The funny part about it all though is that so-and-so read my blog and was all, "I wasn't mad at you...I never heard you when you supposedly made that comment to me." So silly me, I stressed for nothing. Go figure.

Sarcastic Journalist: I will never reveal my source! (i.e. email buddy)

Madmanan: Who cares about the Rockets. Go ASTROS!!!

Sissychong: Trust me, I'm DYING to tell you the blog address. But alas, I'll keep it to myself.

Kathryn: Thanks for stopping by!!!

Diachisis: I am so coming to Dysfunction Junction, you hag!

Stephanie & the Life of Me: I soooooo want to gossip too. I agree that it is FUN!!! Especially since I work at a location where gossip spreads like wild fire. Which is the problem...I've heard gossip about me, which is not true, and gossip about my friends which is also not true. I wasn't too pleased with that, so I decided to stop contributing to the problem. Trust me, I'll let other people gossip to me all they want. But I told myself not to repeat what I hear anymore.

April 21, 2005 11:19 AM 
Commented by Anonymous Guy #3:

Did you hear that Merry Widow's trying hard not to gossip? I heard it from SJ who heard it from So-and-so who heard it straight from her.

April 21, 2005 1:17 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Bucky:

So I found your blog from SJ's blog, and I can tell you right now - you aren't being that vague. And I don't know any of you - AT ALL. SJ probably shouldn't tell the world that her husband pees on her. But if she does, you shouldn't feel bad about knowing it or talking about it for that matter. I don't think thats gossip. Just my two cents.

April 21, 2005 3:14 PM 
Commented by Blogger madmanan:

ok, go astros! hehe, i dont really like the rockets, just tracey mcgrady. which has caused an addiction of adidas merchandise...

April 21, 2005 3:42 PM 
Commented by Anonymous email buddy:

I've said all along you've did nothing wrong, but if I had just suppressed my urge to email you, none of the other would have transpired...maybe. If someone is inclined to call our little email "discussion" spreading gossip, then it was I, not Merry Widow, who started it! Sorry. Maybe I should try that whole not gossiping thing...

Na. Where's the fun in that?!

April 21, 2005 3:46 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Guy #3: Shut up. :P

Bucky: Thanks for the support. I was being overly sensitive about it anyway. Oh yeah, and SJ has nothing to do with this. I can see why you would think so though, seeing that she is linked into my sidebar. But I do have quite an extensive list of blogs that I read daily. 90% of them aren't linked, due to pure laziness on my part. But good try on the guessing!

April 21, 2005 3:47 PM 
Commented by Blogger The Merry Widow:

Email buddy: hehehe...keep the emails coming (and phone calls, and in person conversations)

Madmanan: It's weird that you mention Tracy McGrady. Just today, I randomly said that name to someone. They answered with, "Who's that?" and I said, "I don't know, but for some reason when the the topic of basketball is brought up, that name comes to mind." I later found out that he plays for the Rockets. Apparently he's good too. Who knew? If he doesn't sell purses, (adidas or otherwise) then I don't pay attention.

April 21, 2005 5:03 PM 
Commented by Blogger Sue:

Widow- I too suffer from this disease- but always call it "jr-high-creating-drama-I-wish-I-could-pass-a-note" syndrome. I have applied to my insurance company for a "oh-grow-up-everyone-gossips" adjustment (kind of like chiropratics) but I was told that technically I should just shut up. Ahhhh what is wrong with our medical system.....

April 23, 2005 12:26 AM 
Commented by Anonymous Anonymous:

If it's on the internet, you always have an alibi. Deny deny deny.

I don't usually spread gossip, but peeps tell me shit anyway. Then I can use it to my twisted benefit and bring it up when I need to.

I'm sick like that.


April 28, 2005 3:37 PM 

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