Before I got married, my husband and I went to Tiffany's to pick out wedding bands. I love the wedding band that we picked for me. It's simple, yet one of the most beautiful rings that I've ever seen. I kept wearing my ring after my husband died. I wore it for a year. One day someone asked me if I was ever going to start dating again. I answered yes. "So then why do you still wear your ring? Are you hiding behind it?" At first, I was offended. How dare she ask me why I was wearing my ring. Didn't she know that I loved my husband and would always love him and that this ring was a symbol of that love? But then, as I thought about it some more, I found validity in her question. Why was I wearing my ring? Was it to keep guys away? Was it because I was still holding on to my husband? Or was it because I just loved the ring? Well, I figured that it was probably a little of all 3. So the next week, I decided that in order to move on, I needed to stop wearing the ring...or at least switch it to my other hand. So I did. I wore my ring on my right hand. Then one day, I took it off for cooking purposes, and never really got around to putting it back on again.
Coincidentally, someone asked me out the day after I stopped wearing the ring all together.
It's now been about a year since I stopped wearing my ring, and about 2 years since my husband has died. I've "dated" a few people over the past year and have been, well... as my friend Laura puts it, "living the life of a cute, single, 20-something girl." Most people don't even believe me when I tell them that I'm a widow. "But you're so happy..." Well why wouldn't I be? Yeah, I loved my husband with my whole heart and soul and would do anything to have one more day with him, but if there's anything that I learned from his death, it's that life is short and I shouldn't spend my time dwelling on his death when there is a whole world out there for me to experience. So here I am...living life like the 20-something single girl that I am, but with the wisdom gained from watching your soul mate leave this world.
Which brings me back to my ring. I realized this past Friday, that even though I stopped wearing it, I never put it away. It sits on my bathroom counter, right next to my make-up. A reminder that I don't wear it, but that I once had great love. And I wondered to myself, why haven't I put this away? Why do I keep it out? Am I still holding on to my past?
So I put it on. Not on my wedding finger, but on my right hand. It's still one of the prettiest rings I've ever seen. I was dressing up that night, to go to a club downtown, so I thought that it sort of added some "bling" to my outfit. Anywho, to make a long story short, I ran into a guy that I've been, well...let's call it "getting close to" and well... we decided to "get close" that night. And in the morning, when I woke up, I noticed that I was wearing my ring. And I laughed. It was never the ring that was holding me back. It was just me.
Labels: Guy #6, Widowness
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